Writing is certainly a cathartic release, personally, I have kept a journal, and every now and then I'll write here and share my thoughts publicly.
Read MoreSweet Roman,
Today you would have been 6 months old. Instead, you have spent the past 6 months in Heaven. Today, Aly asked if you were growing in Heaven. I too wonder and dream about what you are doing and what it's like for you. All I know is that is better than anything we can ever dream of.
Read MoreI have clearly been slacking, so I am finally sitting down and writing a blog update for both March & April!
We started out March with a couple last days in Australia and then we slowly made our way back home. Once we got home, we were welcomed right back into a New York City winter, complete with a snow day to enjoy.
Read MoreToday Roman would have been 4 months old. I don't have any profound thoughts to share, but I just feel like writing today as I am so deep in my sadness. Most of the time, I like to blog when I have my thoughts somewhat together, but today I'll let you get a glimpse of a heavily grieving Mama...
Read MoreThat's right, Baby #4 will be joining our family in October!
We found out this joyous news while we were on Hamilton Island in Australia. What a sweet time of rest, topped off with such wonderful news!
Today we got to see the baby for the first time and hear the heartbeat. Oh the heartbeat. It has never sounded more beautiful to my ears. This baby already has all of our love.
Read MoreFor this month's blog post, I am just going to write about our trip to Australia! It's fitting because as I sit here and write this blog post, I am still fighting off the extreme jetlag. So let me start at the beginning...
We started dreaming of Australia early last summer. I mentioned it to Ron at one point, and he just laughed at me. To which I responded, "Well, you're not saying no!" After that, we spent the summer working out the details to see if we really could make this dream a reality. Soon all the details fell into place, and there was no turning back--we were going to be taking 3 very small children halfway around the world.
Read MoreWe rung in the new year with our good friends, the Schmidts! It is always such a relaxing and refreshing time with them. The rest of the month has been busy with work and hanging with friends and family. Ron also started vlogging this month, and you can check out the first few episodes at the very bottom!
Read MoreToday marks two months since we said goodbye to Roman. Here are just some scattered thoughts of mine...
Looking Back
One day, I went back and read my old blog posts about my pregnancy with Roman. I had nearly forgotten that in the very beginning we had a scare that we were going to miscarry with him. After the scare passed, I wrote my first blog post about him, and in it, I said this:
Today is the last day of 2017. As I write this there are only 19.5 hours left in this year. In a few hours, the last sunrise will take the place and hundreds of people will start to gather near our home in Time Square to watch the ball drop. In these frigid temperatures they will count down the New Year, 10,9,8... resolutions will be made and broken. Every year I write a blog post reflecting on the last 365 days.
Read MoreI have combined the last two months' blog updates, because as you are well aware by now, the end of November was the hardest day of our life. So I am just now getting around to jotting down some updates for the last two months. Also, I should note that I accidentally deleted almost all of my November photos!
Read MoreRoman,
Today you would have been one month old. One month without you here has felt like an eternity of unbearable pain and suffering. We think about you nearly every second of the day, constantly thinking about what you would be doing right now if you were here, thinking of the aspirations we had for you, but will never get to see come to fruition, mourning the loss of you. I wish I could see your eyes, I'm sure they were brown like your brother and sister.
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I never imagined that we would have to bury a child before the age of 30. I would have never imagined that we could be strong enough to make it through something like the loss of a child. Yet somehow we have. Hour by hour, day by day, we are making it. The days have now turned into weeks, as time cruelly goes on, as if nothing happened.
I know these blog posts are hard to read--they're hard to write too.
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