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Aisley Jo  - 01.27.2019

2018 was a big year.  I married the love of my life, Klayton, in October; with that, my 9 year old son and I gained an amazing family.  Right away, my husband and I discussed growing our family, we both agreed that we wanted to do that, and being in our late 30's, we should go ahead and try.  By the first of November 2018, we were elated to see those two little pink lines show up on a pregnancy test.  We were over the moon with excitement and in a little bit of shock. 

Samuel was our second son. We became pregnant with him quickly and easily and announced gratefully to our family at Thanksgiving that we were expecting again. 

I struggled with anxiety a lot during my pregnancy with Samuel. My first son had been healthy, but unexplainably almost 12 pounds at birth.

It’s hard to believe that it’s been four years already. Four years since our world was shaken. 

This past August marks four years since our little family welcomed a new addition- one we had eagerly awaited and prayed for, for so long. And instead of snuggling him in my bed, I was on my knees in the hospital bathroom, with my head to the cold floor, begging God to spare our son. It was not supposed to end this way. This was not what I had imagined six months before when I first saw those two pink lines. 

I wanted to introduce myself. My name is Lauren and I am a mother of two. One lives with me here and the other in heaven.

My daughter Winslow is not my first child. I got pregnant in the spring of 2017 and was expecting my first child a week after Christmas.

When Brooke asked me to share about our son, Augustine, I knew I needed to take the time to write and focus on him. But when I went to write the words, nothing seemed to come. I have sat to write this out multiple times, staring at the screen, waiting for my thoughts to align.

To Brooke’s Blog Readers,

Brooke kindly asked me to share my story in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day (Oct 15th). I lost my daughter Hollyday (Holly) on May 20th, 2017 at almost 34 weeks gestation. In the immediate aftermath, I desperately needed to hear other people’s stories and learn how they processed their grief. I wanted to know how they moved forward after a stillbirth. The openness and vulnerability of the parents I found was hugely beneficial to me. In turn, I feel compelled to share my experience in the hope that it helps other families going through this same loss.