Luca Quinn-- 25 Week Update
24 weeks pregnant with Luca
In my previous blog post I mentioned that I felt like a walking time bomb with this pregnancy, wondering before every appointment if today would be the day I would get bad news. Nearly 5 weeks ago now, just before the holidays, I went in for my routine 20 week ultrasound at the hospital. Towards the end of the scan, the technician told me that it looked like my placenta was covering my cervix. I calmly asked her what this meant for me, and she said if it didn’t move I would have to have a c-section at 36 weeks. Okay, I thought, I can handle that. If the worst thing to come out of this pregnancy was a c-section, I can handle it. When she finished, she gave me a few minutes before sending the doctor in to see me. I quickly text Ron that all was well with Luca and shared this new information with him. He immediately asked how I was feeling about it, and I told him that I was honestly perfectly fine with it.
Then the doctor came in. He quickly confirmed that I did indeed have placenta previa, and mine was actually a complete previa (completely blocking the cervix and mine was actually past it some). It is common for the placenta to move before delivery, but he wasn’t confident mine would, given how much it was covering. He started rattling off all of the risks associated with it, namely my risk of hemorrhaging (even fatal) and pre-term delivery. He kept trying to assure me that the baby looked absolutely perfect, but that was honestly of such little comfort to me—Roman was perfect too. My placenta abrupted for unknown reasons and we lost our son, so just the mere mention of placenta issues, whether unrelated or not, were enough to send me spiraling. He also tried to reassure me that had this happened to me a hundred years ago, I would not have survived, so be grateful I live in a time where we know! Yikes.
After that appointment, I immediately called my OB, and she was quick to tell me that this particular doctor has zero bedside manner (clearly), and tried to reassure me that this was not related to any past issues, just happens to be where my placenta decided to implant this time. I was immediately placed on a modified bed rest and told we’d check on it in a month.
Well, it’s been an excruciatingly long month. I know life is far from “fair,” but this just really felt unfair, to have to deal with a new pregnancy issue, unrelated to any of the past two pregnancy issues. It has felt very “why me” over the past month. Some days have been good, and we’re happily feeling Luca kick and telling him all our dreams for him in our family. And other days have been really tough, and I’m silently crying in the corner of the kids’ bedroom as Ron reads them a bedtime Bible story, thinking to myself, that I’m thankful the kids have such an awesome father in case I don’t survive this pregnancy. (And maybe that sounds extreme, but we’ve seen extreme outcomes happen and experienced loss, so these thoughts are often quick to seem like reality).
Every night over the past month, Aly has prayed asking God to ‘move the placenta so that Mami doesn’t have to be cut open and keep Luca safe.” Last night, as I was praying and reading my Bible, I echoed my own version of this prayer. I knew today we would have our appointment, and I just asked God, “please answer my daughter’s prayer. Show her that you hear us and answer us.”
I was also reading Psalm 17 last night. It’s a passage about David being afflicted by his enemies. He is pleading with God to hear him, to answer him, to deliver him. But at the end of the chapter, he says,
“As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness; when I awake, I shall be satisfied with your likeness.” -Psalm 17:15
The commentary I read on it was so poignant:
“It is painfully clear that while God promises to be with us, he does not promise to relieve in this life every earthly pain and injustice…Whatever unfolds in this life, David knows that one day he will be at rest in the presence of the Lord.”
It was a great reminder, a truth that I have known well. I went to sleep last night at peace, trusting God with Luca.
This morning, we went to our follow-up meeting and were met with good news! The placenta has moved!! It has not moved completely out of the way yet, but has moved a little over halfway. Relief has just been washing over us all day today. And my first thought was, I can’t wait to share with Aly how God answered her prayers! He is a good God, and I’m grateful He chose to show himself to my daughter in this way.
So now, we continue to pray that the placenta would move fully and my restrictions could be lifted and our minds fully at ease. And in the meantime, we are trusting the Lord, aiming to be satisfied in Him alone.