Roman Xavi-21 Weeks Pregnant Update

Last week I had an ultrasound for my 20 week anatomy scan.  Roman was snuggled up in such a way that the technician and the doctor could not clearly see his heart.  So today, I had to go back to the hospital for them to try again.  And of course, he was in almost the same uncooperative position.  After quite a bit of trying, they got everything they needed.  I never get too nervous or worried about all of the "what-if's" that could come with these appointments, but the longer the doctor looked over the technician's findings, the more nervous I got.  

And then the doctor told me that there appeared to be fluid around his heart.  

He assured me there is nothing to worry about at this point, but we would need to monitor it.  I don't think I even registered what he was saying at the time.  I was too busy trying to keep both kids quiet and calm for the last two minutes of a very long appointment.  I thanked the doctor and left the room without a second thought.  I made it all the way out of the hospital before it really hit me.  So many questions have been flooding my mind all day.  As the questions and doubts keep coming (and on Ron's good advice, not googling anything!), it's all I can do to keep it together right now.  

Normally, I find myself blogging post crisis, not mid-crisis.  It's scary to be vulnerable and open when you're in the middle of the unknown and don't know how things will turn out or what to expect.  It's much easier to share "this was scary, but this is how the Lord provided and took care of us..." 

So today, as my emotions and hormones are flaring, I wanted to just write a letter to my baby boy.  


Hi sweet boy!  Mami and Papi love you so very much already.  It's impossible to explain how we can love someone who we haven't met yet, but oh man do you hold such a special place in our hearts. And so do Fynn and Aly.  Aly cuddles and talks to you daily, and makes sure to always include you in our plans (all five of us are going today).  We cannot wait for you to join our family, and we are already dreaming about our first vacation with you!  We've been praying for you daily already, and now we will pray that God would heal your heart.  God is knitting you inside my womb right now, and he is creating you just as he intended.  We are resting in that knowledge. You just keep focusing on growing healthy and strong in there, and we'll see you in December!